July 28, 2017
The title of this post explains it all. I am at one of the hardest times of my life. I don't regret that many things I have done in Sweden because each action made me stronger and helped me discover a new side of me. Who knew I had so many sides. And roles. Oh boy, don't get me started with roles. Mother of two munchkins? Check. Wife? Check. Daughter-in-law? My in-laws live near, so, check. Student? Check. Unemployed? BIG FAT BOLD CHECK.
An update of my life..here goes...
Let me start with a story. A story from long back when I was a university student back home in the U.S. and I was young and stupid. A 22 year old seeking the purpose of life.
I was once 22, and I had met a guy. He had just gotten his bachelors in finance or something and he would message me every single day around the same time. He was a very good looking guy with great intellect, but he had a weakness. His english grammar was not the best. So what was my purpose of meeting this guy can you guess? The boy used me. He bugged me every night to correct his resume and cover letter. He was out searching for jobs and he always wrote different kinds of cover letters with countless errors in english. I didn't mind correcting it. It was a piece of cake for me...correcting an english cover letter for some job. I never really did it seriously. However, every time I got done editing and correcting his papers, he would be so relieved and happy. He really depended on me to correct his cover letters. I thought it was ridiculous that he continued to bug me about this for weeks. I stopped replying to his emails and that was the end of correcting papers for free. I wonder what he does now. He is probably CEO of some firm in the US.
That was the story of the Indian guy who was struggling to get a job in the US.
Now here is the story of myself, struggling to succeed in Sweden.
I know I will succeed... in fact, maybe I already am I just don't know it yet. I am halfway up that mountain. I got into a good educational program and by 2019 January I will have knowledge and experience about software developing and finally get a job.
My school starts on September and no I still haven't gotten any schedule for my classes. I also need a part-time job. I have realised, that my mind works best when I am under pressure. Pressure pushes me to succeed. If I am too relaxed, I somehow become lazy and sometimes even fail. So my job search is still going on and the worst part is I lost count on how many jobs I applied to. No no, the worst part of all is that most good jobs are offered as full time and I will never be able to devote my full time to a work place when I am going to be a full time student as well. I feel like crying when I think about that one special full time job I had received in my doorstep, which I had denied, due to my full time class schedule. Life is full of obstacles. I reassure my mind saying that I chose education over fast-money. That one day, it will pay off. Eventually I will be getting paid way more once I am done with school so why not have patience, right?
I have become a company stalker. I read about several companies and I wait for a response. So far, I have gotten responses like, we are still working on who to choose, or, it is vacation time so replying will take time. Is that auto-response? Oh god, not even a real person replying.
I need a job.
I need to finish school.
I need sleep.
My kids are spending half the day with my husband and the rest of the day with me. I struggle keeping up with food routines with my kids. Especially when they get sick. I am trying very hard to give them enough time as a mother. I don't know if I am really doing it though. I am exhausted, guilty, frustrated, stressed, nervous, but also curious, at times optimistic (thanks to my father's blood), and kind (thanks to mom, i love you mom). I hardly can spend time with my husband but he understands that. He is the best father I have seen in this world seriously.
The title of this post explains it all. I am at one of the hardest times of my life. I don't regret that many things I have done in Sweden because each action made me stronger and helped me discover a new side of me. Who knew I had so many sides. And roles. Oh boy, don't get me started with roles. Mother of two munchkins? Check. Wife? Check. Daughter-in-law? My in-laws live near, so, check. Student? Check. Unemployed? BIG FAT BOLD CHECK.
An update of my life..here goes...
Let me start with a story. A story from long back when I was a university student back home in the U.S. and I was young and stupid. A 22 year old seeking the purpose of life.
I was once 22, and I had met a guy. He had just gotten his bachelors in finance or something and he would message me every single day around the same time. He was a very good looking guy with great intellect, but he had a weakness. His english grammar was not the best. So what was my purpose of meeting this guy can you guess? The boy used me. He bugged me every night to correct his resume and cover letter. He was out searching for jobs and he always wrote different kinds of cover letters with countless errors in english. I didn't mind correcting it. It was a piece of cake for me...correcting an english cover letter for some job. I never really did it seriously. However, every time I got done editing and correcting his papers, he would be so relieved and happy. He really depended on me to correct his cover letters. I thought it was ridiculous that he continued to bug me about this for weeks. I stopped replying to his emails and that was the end of correcting papers for free. I wonder what he does now. He is probably CEO of some firm in the US.
That was the story of the Indian guy who was struggling to get a job in the US.
Now here is the story of myself, struggling to succeed in Sweden.
I know I will succeed... in fact, maybe I already am I just don't know it yet. I am halfway up that mountain. I got into a good educational program and by 2019 January I will have knowledge and experience about software developing and finally get a job.
My school starts on September and no I still haven't gotten any schedule for my classes. I also need a part-time job. I have realised, that my mind works best when I am under pressure. Pressure pushes me to succeed. If I am too relaxed, I somehow become lazy and sometimes even fail. So my job search is still going on and the worst part is I lost count on how many jobs I applied to. No no, the worst part of all is that most good jobs are offered as full time and I will never be able to devote my full time to a work place when I am going to be a full time student as well. I feel like crying when I think about that one special full time job I had received in my doorstep, which I had denied, due to my full time class schedule. Life is full of obstacles. I reassure my mind saying that I chose education over fast-money. That one day, it will pay off. Eventually I will be getting paid way more once I am done with school so why not have patience, right?
I have become a company stalker. I read about several companies and I wait for a response. So far, I have gotten responses like, we are still working on who to choose, or, it is vacation time so replying will take time. Is that auto-response? Oh god, not even a real person replying.
I need a job.
I need to finish school.
I need sleep.
My kids are spending half the day with my husband and the rest of the day with me. I struggle keeping up with food routines with my kids. Especially when they get sick. I am trying very hard to give them enough time as a mother. I don't know if I am really doing it though. I am exhausted, guilty, frustrated, stressed, nervous, but also curious, at times optimistic (thanks to my father's blood), and kind (thanks to mom, i love you mom). I hardly can spend time with my husband but he understands that. He is the best father I have seen in this world seriously.
That's one thing I really enjoy when talking to you, you know how to spell words! So refreshing! Also you have a great intellect and you're thoughtful, just being able to spell out your feelings is big. Most people are confused. I'm very happy that you're blessed with a supportive husband.
ReplyDeleteIt is very difficult to express the mixed feelings we experience in our minds, and sometimes even I write the wrong words haha Oh I have my confusing moments!
ReplyDelete