The first time I heard of opportunities in Sweden from immigrants was during my Bangladesh trip in December 2008. Something that never caught my attention before, a big flyer floating in the air of some university street saying Sweden is offering student visas to Bangladeshis of all ages. I was living in the U.S. at the time and the only thing that I ever heard was people really wanting to come to the states and settle.
When I got engaged I obviously knew a lot more about Sweden, but mainly that this was one of the richest countries of Europe especially during the time of the world's economic decay.
I've heard and seen many immigrant stories in America, but now it's time to share one that I am seeing (in process hopefully) living in Europe.
I want to share a little story about this young man who came from Bangladesh to settle in Sweden. He actually stayed at our place for a couple of days... nearly 3, but boy was he a character! This outgoing energetic guy opened up within the next 2 days of his stay and used to constantly make me and my mother-in-law laugh with his bangladeshi daughter-in-law/mother-in-law jokes. The kid was a motormouth.
This 21-year-old left his family giving them the hope of sending them money from the big cash he will earn abroad, working. At a young age, he felt that he was responsible to get his sister married, send money to educate his other siblings, give his parents support, buy some land in Bangladesh, make his own house, work his butt off in Europe, find a decent girl to start a family with, have kids, and so on. "The Bangladeshi Dream", which most bengalis picture abroad.
He was apparently a distant relative to my husband's cousin's husband. If that makes any sense. I'm telling you, you will be surprised who you are related to if you are a Bengali! Everybody is somehow related!
So that's how this young man got our address. We let him stay for a couple of days, because we felt awfully guilty to say no. Because we really suck at saying no. To see that a young boy from our motherland can not find a place to sleep while he searches for admission to a university with his student visa. But mainly because some families know exactly how it feels to move to a new country all by yourself and try making a new life from scratch. Having absolutely nobody to guide you not to mention the limited abililites, time, and resources you have. It becomes a lonely depressing place with lots and lots of sacrifice.
He came to Sweden in March i think. February or March. Which means it was freezing cold with damn ice all over the streets. I have absolutely NO idea how he dragged himself up that big slippery icey hill of death with his extra heavy bright red luggage all by himself. The luggage looked bigger than him. Considering he came from Bangladesh, I can just imagine how awfully cold he felt. He would always shiver. Like even inside the house, when the heater was on with all the candles lit up. He never ever took off his jacket. Not even when he slept. During the day, he hardly sat around the house. He got himself a Tunnelbana map and knew his way around the city, talked to a few people with the mixture of his bangla and english whether they understood it or not, even made a friend or 2, and learned some words in swedish. He said he even got some chick's number (I highly doubt that). All within a day. He really wanted to stay.
The first day he was so fascinated to have learned how to do dishes for the very first time. He never did his own dishes back home, they had a maid. So he requested to take both my plate and my mother-in-law's plate to show us what my father-in-law taught him. The results were 2 shiny squeaky clean plates, which took him about a lifetime to clean. At least he got potential.
This kid gave me a lot of advice. I wonder how he knew so much. I think he was way too mature for his age, in ways. But his advice about running a family was quite inciteful. I guess since he came from the same town as my in-laws, he was more familiar with the expectations that I was never aware of before. Out of all the that, the main point was, that I, as the oldest daughter-in-law, first wife in the family, first sister-in-law, and so on, should be extra careful about making big decisions. Because that decision depends on the entire family. Well thanks a lot kid. That's comforting.
Unfortunately there was a change of plans, and he was no longer going to stay in Sweden. Seemed like his destiny was somewhere else. In Belgium! He found a family there who were inviting him willingly. That family even had a daughter, not to mention a citizen. He kept telling us "I have to make my own money before I get married" like the most responsible man in the world, "citizen or not, marriage isn't for me right now."
I have no idea what happened to the student visa thing in Sweden. Don't remember, never really paid much attention.
I've noticed at times he gave me the "look". The look that a little boy gives when he wants to ask something about you. Don't know what it was though.
When I took the car keys out the night he was leaving for Belgium, he asked with a face of awe "That's impossible, you don't have to do anything. I will feel ashamed bhabi. You've done a lot." Didn't really do much for him actually. My in-laws did a lot though. I think it was his first time seeing a girl drive a car late night to drop someone off. Hey, I would feel bad to see my father-in-law walk late at night in the icey street knowing that we have a car sitting in the garage. That day, my in-laws were obligated to offer one of our old winter jackets to him so he won't shiver to death while going to belgium. We gave him bangladeshi food on his plate for a couple days, and a place to sleep. In return, he gave us a humor-filled house for 2 days, and some home-made Bangladeshi snacks (pita) that his mom made for him for his long journey. Those things were harder than rock by the way. It was sweet of him though. The last thing left to do was wish him goodluck with his life and drop him off safely to the airport, which my father-in-law had done. The least i had done was to take the car and drop them off at the station to resist the ice.
That night he suddenly said in bangla, "got to admit, the toughest life to live is abroad. You are away from family and loved ones, you have to do everything yourself, nobody is there to look after you, hell, Bangladesh is best afterall." He looked at me for a second and added on, "I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about."
When I got engaged I obviously knew a lot more about Sweden, but mainly that this was one of the richest countries of Europe especially during the time of the world's economic decay.
I've heard and seen many immigrant stories in America, but now it's time to share one that I am seeing (in process hopefully) living in Europe.
I want to share a little story about this young man who came from Bangladesh to settle in Sweden. He actually stayed at our place for a couple of days... nearly 3, but boy was he a character! This outgoing energetic guy opened up within the next 2 days of his stay and used to constantly make me and my mother-in-law laugh with his bangladeshi daughter-in-law/mother-in-law jokes. The kid was a motormouth.
This 21-year-old left his family giving them the hope of sending them money from the big cash he will earn abroad, working. At a young age, he felt that he was responsible to get his sister married, send money to educate his other siblings, give his parents support, buy some land in Bangladesh, make his own house, work his butt off in Europe, find a decent girl to start a family with, have kids, and so on. "The Bangladeshi Dream", which most bengalis picture abroad.
He was apparently a distant relative to my husband's cousin's husband. If that makes any sense. I'm telling you, you will be surprised who you are related to if you are a Bengali! Everybody is somehow related!
So that's how this young man got our address. We let him stay for a couple of days, because we felt awfully guilty to say no. Because we really suck at saying no. To see that a young boy from our motherland can not find a place to sleep while he searches for admission to a university with his student visa. But mainly because some families know exactly how it feels to move to a new country all by yourself and try making a new life from scratch. Having absolutely nobody to guide you not to mention the limited abililites, time, and resources you have. It becomes a lonely depressing place with lots and lots of sacrifice.
He came to Sweden in March i think. February or March. Which means it was freezing cold with damn ice all over the streets. I have absolutely NO idea how he dragged himself up that big slippery icey hill of death with his extra heavy bright red luggage all by himself. The luggage looked bigger than him. Considering he came from Bangladesh, I can just imagine how awfully cold he felt. He would always shiver. Like even inside the house, when the heater was on with all the candles lit up. He never ever took off his jacket. Not even when he slept. During the day, he hardly sat around the house. He got himself a Tunnelbana map and knew his way around the city, talked to a few people with the mixture of his bangla and english whether they understood it or not, even made a friend or 2, and learned some words in swedish. He said he even got some chick's number (I highly doubt that). All within a day. He really wanted to stay.
The first day he was so fascinated to have learned how to do dishes for the very first time. He never did his own dishes back home, they had a maid. So he requested to take both my plate and my mother-in-law's plate to show us what my father-in-law taught him. The results were 2 shiny squeaky clean plates, which took him about a lifetime to clean. At least he got potential.
This kid gave me a lot of advice. I wonder how he knew so much. I think he was way too mature for his age, in ways. But his advice about running a family was quite inciteful. I guess since he came from the same town as my in-laws, he was more familiar with the expectations that I was never aware of before. Out of all the that, the main point was, that I, as the oldest daughter-in-law, first wife in the family, first sister-in-law, and so on, should be extra careful about making big decisions. Because that decision depends on the entire family. Well thanks a lot kid. That's comforting.
Unfortunately there was a change of plans, and he was no longer going to stay in Sweden. Seemed like his destiny was somewhere else. In Belgium! He found a family there who were inviting him willingly. That family even had a daughter, not to mention a citizen. He kept telling us "I have to make my own money before I get married" like the most responsible man in the world, "citizen or not, marriage isn't for me right now."
I have no idea what happened to the student visa thing in Sweden. Don't remember, never really paid much attention.
I've noticed at times he gave me the "look". The look that a little boy gives when he wants to ask something about you. Don't know what it was though.
When I took the car keys out the night he was leaving for Belgium, he asked with a face of awe "That's impossible, you don't have to do anything. I will feel ashamed bhabi. You've done a lot." Didn't really do much for him actually. My in-laws did a lot though. I think it was his first time seeing a girl drive a car late night to drop someone off. Hey, I would feel bad to see my father-in-law walk late at night in the icey street knowing that we have a car sitting in the garage. That day, my in-laws were obligated to offer one of our old winter jackets to him so he won't shiver to death while going to belgium. We gave him bangladeshi food on his plate for a couple days, and a place to sleep. In return, he gave us a humor-filled house for 2 days, and some home-made Bangladeshi snacks (pita) that his mom made for him for his long journey. Those things were harder than rock by the way. It was sweet of him though. The last thing left to do was wish him goodluck with his life and drop him off safely to the airport, which my father-in-law had done. The least i had done was to take the car and drop them off at the station to resist the ice.
That night he suddenly said in bangla, "got to admit, the toughest life to live is abroad. You are away from family and loved ones, you have to do everything yourself, nobody is there to look after you, hell, Bangladesh is best afterall." He looked at me for a second and added on, "I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about."
I really liked your post. To me you touch upon a very important subject. A lot of people have moved abroad for a better life simple because of the lack of better opportunities at home. These are honest people who want to work in a legal way.
ReplyDeleteBut often I think that we do not value their sacrifices or their hard work. We tend to look down upon them and we differentiate based on class structure.
I know of Bangladeshis exploiting other Bangladeshis simply because the other Bangladeshis have no choice but do what is asked of them if they want to continue earning money.
I do however hope that things work out for this particular person .
This story sounds so familiar, maybe i know quite a lot of those people :)
ReplyDeleteI remember my first day in Sweden, it was March of 2007 and that winter was no where close to the real winter, arrived around 8 in the evening, pitch dark and around 6 degrees (literally wanted to go back). Literally was shivering, my bad wasnt big as me but wasnt small either, it had a city all packed in.
Apparently now one has to pay tuition fees to get into the university, its no longer free.
Thanks guys. Many people can indeed relate to this story. We all have an amazing story of our own afterall. In fact, my own father and father-in-law, both, have experienced it.
ReplyDeleteYes, there exists many among us in our desi society in general who tend to underestimate the hard times of a person's life, but with time, it all changes, and the people that once looked down upon you become the ones that suck up to you. Life works in funny ways. I hate the whole class structure thing.
I think Winter is probably one of the worst times for an immigrant to come from a place of tropical climate. When my parents immigrated to USA, they told me they didn't have proper winter clothes with them so we were all shivering to death during our long 2-day journey!
Yup, university is no longer free. THat big advantage is gone, sucks.
Hi Tani. I'm Luky. Just came across your blog. I stumbled upon it looking up things about Sarmila Bose. Just wanted to say Hi, and that I'm following your blog!
ReplyDeleteHey Luky. Thanks for spending the time and reading my blog. Not many people are familiar with Sarmila Bose so Its nice to see you know of her. You are welcome to see anything here. By the way, I am looking forward to reading your book!
ReplyDelete