Desis and their Expected Body Type

When my mom first got married, she was quite young, 18, the average age when most bengali girls got married in the 80s.  She was a beautiful woman and i wish i had those same characteristics of her's that she carried. She was 5'5 and slim.  Slim. 

Twenty years ago, most bengali women hated slim.  They never used skinny in a positive sense.  Instead of complimenting, people would just think she starved herself, resulting of her having no meat. 

When she was pregnant with me, she obviously had to gain weight.  However, right after she had me, at the age of 19, her tummy went back to normal.  Flat and plane.  She went back to her normal skinny self and oh how people despised that.  My mother got critisized day and night for the way she looked.  The look that every women tried to have in the western countries. 

When i turned 2, we left Dhaka and moved to the states.  When mom started working, she got a whole different outlook out of the people there.  The Americans would say, "you are so lucky to be so fit even after having a child!"  All her married life she kept hearing how ugly she was for her "boney-ness" and now it was all upside down.

Bengalis hate skinny.  I my mother was not exposed to all the different perspectives people have on looks, she would have eventually thought the same - that skinny=ugly. 

Sometimes even now in parties, she would get the classic bengali line "bhabi, you got even skinnier.  Is your health ok?"   It's fine if a close friend says, because that means she honestly cares about her, but this comes from random people.

I've also heard, in the same parties, critisizm of women with a little extra.  Except that one is said behind the back.  "Have you seen her size? She can't even move with her fat!"
I don't think it matters how a person's body shape is.  There are better things to do than critisize a person's body the entire time.  Seriously, there are so many different kinds of people in this world.  There is no same ideal woman.  Everybody has a different picture of how a beautiful woman should be.

Now comes my story.

My whole entire life, I have recieved 80% negative critisizm of my body, the other 15% never really said anything (because they find it least important to discuss), and the remaining 5% compliments came from my family members, closest friends, and strangers.  Yes, i actually thought about all of the percentages and they are nearly accurate.

So much pressure.
I had very low self-esteem from all the judgements i got.  So there were times when i ate so much, but i never gained a single pound.  Not until i hit 23.  After getting married, the pounds (kgs) started to add on.  I was happy at first, until I realized i needed a completely new wardrobe.

Now i get people warning me about gaining weight.  They say i better watch out.

People in Sweden are so thin, that suddenly i am having trouble fitting in.

When i go to Bangladesh, everyone will tell me how i shouldn't gain anymore weight because it will make me look fat in comparison to my height.  What the hell.  I thought they liked "healthy" people. 

I will go insane one day from thinking of what the ideal body type is in this world.  So it's better for women to just be comfortable with the way they are.  Beauty comes in different shapes and sizes.

We should all think of the big picture of life instead of thin waist, big ass, large breasts, and perfect face.

 One day, we will all become old with our wrinkly skin sagging and eyes getting smaller, height getting shorter, bones rotting... body will always change.  What will remain the same is our soul.