Showing posts with label desi humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label desi humor. Show all posts

15 October 2012

Story of Aryan 9

Aryan loves his weirdly out-dated, annoying, american-desi family.  He can't imagine living without them.  Especially since his mom still cleans after his mess and feeds him new meals every damn day.  But for the past couple of weeks he has been thinking, "i need a break from these guys"....

He finally paid off his college loans and was ready to chill..


So he was thinking, why not travel and try new things?
He decided to plan the first trip with his old buddy Sam. 
Now Sam's real name is Sammiuddin Shah but he likes keeping things short and sweet.  He's also a bangali-american but he hates bangalies....with the exception of Aryan..his childhood buddy.
Sam does not like Desis, or so he says.  "I don't understand bangali girls."  He likes everything BUT bangali...he's got a big thing for blonds...
So that's Sam.  The Desi who hates all Desis....with the exception of Aryan.


So Sam suggests a place in the world where he thinks the hottest babes are found.

Oh how many times do you have to be told Aryan! 


Aryan:  huh?


oh Aryan......
may God help you.

tbc....









04 November 2011

Story of Aryan 8

Aryan's back to work.  He left the stupid past and decided to do a fresh start once again. He has decided to not get involved with any girls because he believes they make his life a hell of a lot complicated.  He realizes he's nowhere near ready for something like marriage.  That was crazy stuff!

Aryan's mom needs to talk to someone and who else can understand her enough? Obviously her so-called best friend Rona.  
Mom: I don't understand.  Why does this always happen to us.  What sin have we ever done to get punished like this.  My son hasn't liked a single girl we have shown him except that horrible divorcee.  Have I done something wrong while raising them????

Rona: No honey you haven't.  You are a very hardworking mother of 2 lovely children. (innerthoughts: my goodness what a disaster they have become!)  
And you will find the perfect girl for Aryan in no time (innerthoughts: that good-for-nothing boy of yours will never get on with his life, my Rayhan is so much better than him!)   
Everything will be ok with time sweety (muaha ha ha, you and your grouchy husband deserve this I just can't wait to see what happens to your little daughter, the next worst thing after Aryan.)

Meet Rehana.  She's in varsity volleyball, one of the top students in her highschool, a total carefree extrovert, and ofcourse, Aryan's little sister.


Mom: Rehanna.
Rehanna: Good morning mom.  You look stressed. What did I do this time?
Mom:  What's this I am hearing from your Rona Aunty?  Rona's daughter saw you yesterday hugging some boy at that birthday party you went to last night.  Is this true? You told me there will only be girls, your friends from school! 
Rehanna: Ahh wonderful.  Now her daughter started spying on me too.  I had no idea I was that popular.

Mom: Rehanna answer me! 

Rehanna: No mom, I'm not attracted to that boy, he's just a friend, and we did nothing but hug.  I told you there would be friends from school, and I didn't exactly say JUST GIRLS.  

Mom:  This isn't the first time I am hearing about you going around hugging other boys! Rehanna you are a bengali gir...

Rehanna: oh please mom don't give me the "manush ki bolbe" crap again. I can careless about the damn desi society and oh.. you can tell Rona aunty and her children to kiss my ass.

Mom: (dramatic tears) Rehanna! Don't speak this way!  She is your Rona aunty for God's sake! Is this anyway to talk to your mother! My God!!! This girl isn't like anyone of us in this family!  How can you think this way Rehanna!

Rehanna:  Thanks a lot mom. I feel better too.

Aryan: Mommy, don't listen to her.  She's probably PMSing again.  I still love you. (sucking up)

Mom: My Aryan! At least I have a son that loves me.  

Rehanna:  ughh...can I vomit already.

Aryan: You're the daddy's girl Rey.  You shouldn't be complaining.  Why did you have to make mom cry?

Rehanna: (Rolls eyes)  You are so not gettting a girl.  

Rehanna wasn't the only one who got lectured.

Dad:  When will you ever understand how important this time of life is for you!  When I was your age, I got 4 of my sisters married! I sent money to my parents!  I worked hard and saved for a good place to live...in Bangladesh!  Our motherland! What are you doing! Can't take a bit of responsibility!

Aryan: (innerthoughts)  I have a simple dream.  Earn enough money to live well, eat well, wherever the hell it may be.  Just enjoy my life as long as im living.  Screw the rest!  People never come back to help YOU when it's needed anyway. So why care so much about them?








24 August 2011

Story of Aryan 7

This is Aryan and right about now he is the most confused American-born desi in the world.

Should he go for the girl his parents fixed him? Which...by the way is very very hot.
Or should he remain a single engineer and not worry about any expenses or drama but saturday night parties like his other friends do?
Like his parents would ever let him stay single...and poor Aryan somehow doesn't know how to stand up for himself so when his parents blame him for not being the perfect son (to the desi community) to them, he feels guilty and continues to try his best and go for a good bengali girl to make a successful married life with her.
So stupid Aryan starts thinking about Maya again, the one girl that his parents dislike.  Why do they dislike her from the very beginning?

We will get back to that later.




This is Aryan's last week in Dhaka and during his vacation he been on the train, the rikshaw, auto, boat, launch, everything..all but the local buses. He always wondered how it felt inside one of those crowded local bus.

...and he regretted getting on one so badly..he could vomit just smelling the odor from all kinds of local sweaty people....but within all that chaos he found himself sitting by the girl he least expected to see here.

He found it all so strange to keep bumping into the same old person at different places over and over again.  He never believed in fate but he was starting to at this point.
Where's the music coming from? Thought Aryan.

Maya grabbed her purse and small little notebook tightly against her while she was sleeping. The entire crowd just stared at her, like they had never seen a girl before...or maybe to get a good chance to steal her phone or other belongings.  She looked so out of place in this filthy place.
Her phone ringtone finally woke her up

and she looked very disturbed but surprised at the same time.   They were stuck in traffic..and Dhaka's traffic meant 3 hours of hell.

Aryan: You should be relieved that it's ME your seeing instead of some hairy smelly freak checking you out.
Maya: Doesn't matter to me if your not hairy or smelly. You can still be a freak checking me out.

....so it may have not started out perfect, but 3 hours in a local bus obliged them to carry the conversation..

...and so they talked and talked, as 2 strangers would babble on not asking about eachother's personal business, and ended up having a lot in common.

At the end when Maya finally reached home, she forgot about all the things that happened before, and they finally exchanged numbers.


Aryan's last day in Bangladesh, he managed to meet up with Maya.

That day they talked for a very long time.  Aryan talked about his college life, the one girl that broke his heart, his job, the people there... Maya talked about her kickboxing class, her father, a retired engineer, her 6 younger siblings, her mother's death during her teen, her MBA classes, the extreme amount of debt they were in, 
they opened up so much so easily that Aryan heard from her what he never wanted to hear..

Maya: I don't believe in love.  He changed me forever.

Who?????


Some duschbag named Shawn.

Maya:  My first love.  My ex-husband.

Why the hell does it always have to be me! Thought Aryan.

This was Maya 3 years ago.  The newly married couple that everybody could not take their eyes off of.  People said they were a match made in heaven.  It was a love marriage. What was arranged were the countless huge ceremonies  and things that Shawn's family demanded from Maya's father, which made him so pocketless, that he had to apply for loans causing him to be in debt.

It hurt Maya to see her dad taking every bit of his savings, asking other family members for help, forgetting he had 6 other children to take care of, for his daughter's marriage to be "drama-free". 

She would look at Shawn's smile and forget about it all.  They were deeply in love.


This was her sweet mother-in-law..

who knew with time she would turn into the devil..She hated the fact that her son fell in love with a girl.  She thought she would have the right to pick which girl is right for her baby.

Shawn shockingly turned out to be a crazy possesive devil that never let Maya do anything, never let her get out of the house alone, never let her see her own family, never believed her when she told him how his family treated her, and started beating her as a routine.  One day he got out some sort of ax from god knows wear when he suspected her cheating on him, when in reality, she was telling her cousin brother the ugly truth. 

the entire town knew how great Shawn's family was.  They never believed a single word from Maya's mouth. 

So Aryan's parents dislike Maya from the very beginning...

"Because she is an embarassment to our Bangladeshi society.  A divorced woman with no moral values.  She has absolutely no culture.  And I have heard many other bad things about her character.  Have you seen the way she talked to you that day??? She showed no respect to us.  She is literally after you.  I pray that we find a good daughter-in-law. Nothing like Maya."

15 June 2011

Story of Aryan - 6

In the last week of Dhaka, Aryan and his parents paid a visit to one of Aryan's father's old friends. 
They were insanely wealthy.
Sometimes Aryan wondered where that man's money REALLY came from.

but the man himself wasn't so bad...he just loved bragging about his business.

The moms got along great.  All they ever talked about besides gossiping were clothes and jewelry...and they never got tired.

And for the cherry on top, they had a young beautiful daughter.
Aryan knew why they came here.  What he didn't know was what she was carrying...

but it was probably something worth a tons of her daddy's cash..ahem..black money.

She is perfection, thought Aryan, as he slowly drifted to lala land with his fantasies of him and his future wife ...it was too good to be true!





At last!  The parents were going to make things final.  She was the girl!


Arranged marriages aren't so bad afterall, he thought.


tbc..

Story of Aryan Part 5

He could not believe what he was doing.  Meeting a random girl for the first time at her apartment.  Hey, thats how his other friend back in virginia found ms. right.

Angry short man: Who are you?
Aryan: ummm I'm a friend..uhhh..the brother of a coworker of your daughter's..my sister had a message to send to her...is she here?
How dare you say that about my daughter? She does not even work!  Do you know who we are??? Leave us alone before I send some people to break your bones! 
Well that didn't go perfect.  Screw this, what am i doing anyway.

Aryan desides to leave.

but something stops him.

Couldn't be...could it?
wow, it has to be her.  She looks so different today.
Damn it, why can't i take my eyes off of her?
Girl:  Oh great, not another stalker..how long has this one been following me? WHY do I always have to be followed!  I wish I could leave this country!


maya!

Yes abbu..

do you know this young man?

no abbu...

you are lieing to me. I knew it!

what abbu???

This is not the first time a boy has followed you from that 5 star restaurant!  Tell me what is really going on!
*busted*
But abbu!

Go to your room!
abbu!
There goes Maya's job.  I guess I really blew it. 
Poor girl, thought aryan. 
She was cute too.
.........................................
She should have at least told her father she was working. Why would she lie.
Don't feel guilty, Aryan said to himself.
She was asking for it.

The 2nd to the last week of his stay in Dhaka...
He didn't care about the horrible heat,frequent power outages, nosey relatives, big insects,and loud cars and people around him anymore.  He managed to sleep despite all the noise.

He was going to see many things today with his family.  Like the sritishodho, shohid minar..

Fighting the traffic to see many other historical and notable places that make up the busy city of dhaka.
But the most boring part of all was listening to his father lecturing him about the importance of having a house of your own in Bangladesh no matter how far away you live from it.  So he started showing Aryan the 2 properties he had built with his sweat and blood...one building was already built while the other was in the process.

Yeah, bamboo, cement, and bricks... those arethe last things he would want to see.  What was the point of looking at all of this anyway.  He lived in the U.S. and he had no plans of ever moving back so why even bother to look.
Something however caught his attention...

This was the building that was built. There were already families living in each floor paying rent, and for a second it felt like dejavu for him.  Ofcourse, this was where Maya lived.  He couldnt help but get out of the car..
Mom and Dad wouldn't even notice.  I'll just go up there and apologize..then everything will be back to normal.

What a pleasant surprise! Yikes, she doesn't look too happy.
Maya: Get out of my way and never ever show me your sorry face again!  Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to get that well-paid job???? Thanks to you, my dad made me quit because of people like you making my life miserable.  So you have any idea how much this money could have helped the family!?

Aryan: Oh no...im really sorry..look can you keep it down...trust me..i had no bad intentions, im not a freak!

Oh great, mom's hear.

mom:  Who do you think you are insulting my son like that! It's girls like you that I am afraid would hurt my little boy. Before saying anything to my son you need to look at yourself you little ex-waitress.  Waitress in Dhaka, I can only imagine the things you do. Get down to your level you dispicable girl.

Angry short man: Forgive my daughter sir.  This is entirely my fault.  She is naive and innocent and has no understanding about manners sometimes.  I shouldn't have yelled at your son sir, I misunderstood and I apologize for my rude act.

Aryan's dad:  I didn't expect this out of you bhai.  You need to teach your daughter many things.  He comes from a well-educated and respected family and you threat my son by telling him you will break his bones?  He is an engineer working in the state's most well known company.......
and blah blah blah..
.....oh boy it never ever ended....

Look what you've done Aryan.