Pregnancy week 11

So week 10 was so far my worst week.  I hope that was the last time I ever need to go to the hospital for so much vomiting.

Week 11 started out horrific.  I woke up on day 2 and started bleeding all of a sudden!  So much went through my mind. Tried to stay calm but come on, after seeing blood the first time earlier this year my positive feelings were flushed down the toilet once I slowly found out I was going to have a miscarriage.  I was praying with my hand on my womb to keep my baby alive this time.    Luckily the bleeding stopped.  I guess it was old blood or something.  I hear that it happens to some pregnant women around this time.  The blood spills out due to the cervix being sensitive.  Anyway...I just don't wanna see blood again!

I didn't throw up this week at all.  I'm still careful with my meals.  Instead of 3 large meals I tend to have 6 small ones a day, keeping myself hydrated between every meal.  I can't drink large gulps of anything, especially water.  Apple juice and potatoes are my best friends! Man, I am so underweight right now.

My baby is supposed to be more than an inch big now.  I wonder whats going on inside.  I feel physical changes and half the time it feels kinda weird...and gross.  Always feeling nauseous, throwing up in the morning, on meds, excess saliva, feeling "wet", do I need to say more????? Then I think about that sweet little angel's face.

Week 10 : my second stay at the hospital

It is said, "knowing about it is not the same as experiencing it yourself." I couldn't agree more.

We all know pregnant women go through all these changes in their body which causes all-day sickness, mood swings, fatigue and so much more, but we really don't get the real deal until we're the ones who become pregnant.

I used to ask my mother, "ammu, how come you never wanted more children?" She would answer saying how I have always been the one special gift to both her and dad. She never wanted to make me feel left out when it came to loving and caring.  "but having more than one child does not mean loving one child more than the other!  At the end, when you get old, you will only regret not having a bigger family," the other mothers would say.  Then my mom would tell me about her long sick days throughout her 9 months. What I never knew was mom had undergone hyperemesis gravidarum.  Something that im suffering from now.  My poor mommy. I feel every inch of her pain now!  I wouldn't wish for this condition on my worst enemy...

Each and every human body responds differently.  Some have it easy, some in the middle, and some just have very bad luck! In this case, I am totally out of luck!

I was recovering from last week until suddenly I had painful stomach aching and diarrhea the entire night! Not to mention, vomiting! All at the same time, minute after minute. It was war.  I hardly had any fluid in me, and whatever bits i had left just all came out! Couldn't even swallow my own saliva.  So i had to get admitted to huddinge again.  More iv, one more day of fasting. ER here I come....

What can I eat?
Nothing. But i finally got to drink one whole glass of water.

How is the baby?
Absolutely fine.  This is my baby's way of letting me know "im growing just fine!" All those organs and organ tissues are developing so quickly.  Just Amazing...

Pregnancy week 9: hyperemesIs gravidarum

I haven't had anything to eat since yesterday morning. The reason is, i vomit everything..even water. The meds i got never really helped. Yesterday was my week-9 appointment with my midwife at 11am. She took my blood after struggling to find my hard-to-see thin vessel on the 3rd shot with the needle. Everything looked fine until she checked my pressure (90/60) and found Ketones in my urine sample. Oh and to add on to that, i lost 3kg.  She looked concerned and immediately sent me to the hospital to get me treated by the gynecologist. My journey to Huddinge sjukhus began.

Unlucky me...

Unfortunately I'm part of that tiny 2% of pregnant women who go through hyperemesis gravidarum.  I vomit violently to the point where my body becomes so dehydrated that I lose a lot of electrolites and sugars and stuff.  Drastic change of weight in a short period of time. Feel like fainting half the time. Yup, I'm the victim.

As soon as i got there, the nurses did a blood test again. And AGAIN they couldn't find my vessel, so they stuck needles on me and took them out until they found the right place. I was a freakin pin cushion!

Doctor said I'm not in good shape and that i needed to stay in the hospital for a few days.  FEW DAYS????My body was completely dehydrated. They injected my other arm with a bag of IV and here i am now laying in the hospital with my 4th bag of IV.  What a pain it is to take a huge equipement with you wherever you go...especially the bathroom.  I have been admitted to the hospital yesterday noon and ever since then, my body hasn't taken in anything (no food) except vitamin B6 shots, IV fluid, and a whole bunch of medicine (antacids).  I had NO sleep last night because my right arm (the one with the IV injected) stung and hurt horribly.  Nurse lady at night duty did NOT want to change my arm cz she was too damn lazy! All she said at 3am was "the pain is normal..it's because the drop is running fast," and left with a freakin annoying smile! Finally got it changed to my left arm at 8am! Much better!

I will be staying in huddinge sjukhus one more night (let's hope i recover fast). So boring! Can't even eat anything.  I think I got so depressed at one point that I started watching Cinderella on my ipad.

The Baby...

Oh! I left out one very important news.  In the middle of all this chaos something took me to another world.  First ultrasound! Right before that stiffness when they stuck that thing inside me, my attention went to the small screen beside me. A miracle inside me...moving, growing, wiggling....it was incredible.  It wasn't like last time, where I saw an empty womb.  No....I never felt so thankful in my life. I saw my baby....

I got an ultrasound done yesterday. I saw my little grape! Finally a fetus and it sure looked like one! I had never seen something as cute as that! It was moving so fast!  The body was almost clear with the ittybitty fingers,limbs and head. Just amazing! That was truely the highlight of my day!  I almost cried! I have no idea how I will react when I see the real ultrasound at 4 months????  Or is it 5????

Anyways....being hospitalized sucks big time.

Pregnancy Week 8

It's hard to act like you're completely normal when you have all these hormones going crazy, giving your body gradual change. I can't act like i'm fine when i'm actually vomiting every day even after being on meds.

It's extremely difficult to keep such a big secret inside of you for weeks from your family and friends but this time, my husband and i have decided to keep it in the down low, since our first pregnancy ended up with an early miscarriage.  We are praying that our little one can make it through this time.

What's going on with me

This week, i did progress a bit, thanks to the unexpected trip to Huddinge sjukhuset. I was getting a bit worried and thought i needed an ultrasound just to see if  the embryo is fine. Well, my previous gynecologist told me after the miscarriage that if i get pregnant next time, she recommends that i get an ultrasound done by week 6 just to make sure that the embryo is continuing to grow. The gynecologist I ended up with this time around told me that im only 8 weeks, with no pain or bleeding, so an uncomfortable ultrasound would be unneccessary. Throwing up just means there's a lesser chance of a miscarriage.

So since i lost 4 kg in a week from vomiting just about everything, i finally got some meds. Lergigan comp and Lergigan.  They seem to help a bit. At least i can keep certain Foods down. Vomiting however will not go away. I wonder how long it will be this way. Let's hope it doesn't continue the entire 9 months.

Baby's progress

Looking on the bright side....my buddy inside, now the side of a kidney bean, is doing great. At least someone feels good! Now her/ his fingers are forming...how amazing is that....i cant believe theres someone inside of me going through so many changes so fast!

Pregnancy week 7 - long way to go

I've decided to start a little diary of my own which I will soon publish after spreading the big news. I waited till week 7 because I was all paranoid about whether this pregnancy will be successful or not, but hey, anything can go wrong at any time of the whole 9 months right? So what the heck.  Here goes nothin....

What's happening to me?

I'm pregnant! When did I find out? A few weeks after we came back from that tiring London trip.  Out of nowhere I felt like gagging until I threw up! Went to the doctor the next day and my feelings were right...the test came out positive and I was 5 weeks!

Now its week 7 ONLY.  I have been throwing up every day since week 5. Not fun! I am so used to putting my head facing the toilet and throwing up 3 times a day! Oh help me God. I feel weak and sleepy all day. I can not stand the smell of anything, especially meat and curry!  I have more food aversions than cravings, and if I do get cravings, Sweden usually doesn't have that kind of food available! Like crunchy dill pickles. They don't have it here! Or real mac n cheese...chicken biscuits n fried chicken....qeusadillas....hot wings! Oh please help!

All I can take in are fresh cold fruits and milk. Crunchy apple slices, sweet peaches, oh and cold freshly riped tomatoes with salt. The rest make me vomit.

I lost weight. About 4 kg. I just hope i don't lose anymore. Who knows how long it will be this way! I am so sick of throwing up!

What's the little one up to?

Baby is just getting started! It's the size of a blueberry, how cute!  All that throwing up just means baby is doing A ok.  At least I don't have to worry THAT much about the risk of miscarriage.  This is a sign that, unlike the first time, my baby is growing just on time.

Looking forward to 2013

First of all, I want to wish everybody a very happy and prosperous new year!

Last year wasn't the best year for me, but I can't complain much about it.  Although I've been through some tough times (not getting to drive in Sweden, miscarriage, not able to start school or get a job, staying in the hospital, just to name a few), I have never learned so much in my life!

I've learned to be a very patient and optimistic woman.  I've learned that one must go through disastrous events in order to grasp the true value of happiness. Even when it was about time for me to realize that I might have a hopeless dark future in this country I still had faith in God.  I prayed for patients and positivity.  I knew I had many things that I should be greatful for but I was somehow blinded by all the negativity and I kept praying for a clear bright path.  All my prayers from last year were miraculously answered.  They were all answered at the right time.  Sometimes we want things in the wrong time but we hardly think about timing when it comes to "wants".  It's all about patients!

I want to share some good news this new year.  I finally got some experience working in Sweden.  I worked some hours at the post office and loved the atmosphere.  Got paid while I sorted christmas cards and made new friends and accquaintances.  Now I can finally add on to my resume that I HAVE worked in this country.  I had also registered for nursing school for the spring semester which I have finally gotten the answer to.  My school starts in the middle of this month and it is a distance learning program which makes it so convinient for me!  Why did I choose distant-learning? One big thing I left out. My hubby and I are going to be parents! I'm 4 months pregnant!  Yes, first trimester was so horrible to me that I had to stay in the hospital several days for drops.  Yeah, it was pretty bad...I got it bad..but I made huge progress and hopefully I will get to know how the baby is doing on our ultrasound on the 14th!  So excited!  Also, we will be moving to a new place around April.  Something else to look forward to.  Oh so many changes already!  I'm both excited and nervous!