Women in IT - Where is the equality?

Dear Insensitive Men,

We are creating networks and support organizations to encourage potentially talented and intelligent women to get through the waves of sexism so they can finally earn what they deserve.  Why are you making it so difficult for us to contribute to the society?  We are trying our best to make this a better world, through numerous factors, technology being one of them.  Together, as men and women, we can do it.  You sexist men, however, push us back.  Make us weak, depressed, make us try 100 times harder than you ever will.

Why?

When a boy asks for help, you teach them.  When a girl asks, you disrespect them, and do the job yourself like a hero.

Why is it that when she makes a mistake in her swedish, you cannot continue talking in swedish, instead of pointing out their mistakes.  She is aware, of her mistakes.

Why is it that when she asks about technical issues, you give her know information, no solution, show her no cause of the issue, but fix it without explanation?

Why is it, that when HE makes a mistake, you give him time to reflect and discuss improvement,
but when SHE does it, you complain, become passive aggressive, and point out her weaknesses?

Why is she CEO and getting paid less than another male CEO?
She is taking care of her family at home, bringing up good children, and she is taking care of her company, just like her children.  Yet she gets paid lower than a man whose main focus is to take care of his company. 

She wants to help, but you clearly show there is no way she can help. 

What exactly is going on here?  Were our brains made differently? Do you confuse the brain with the other physical parts that differentiate gender?

What time period are you living in?

Thanks for showing me what an idiot you are.  Today I got reminded again, that I am all on my own to tackle something.  I am just beginning to learn and when I know how to do something, I will definitely use it the right way.   I will spread that knowledge.  I will help every gender, every race to achieve it.  Because I have nothing to lose.  I will show you whose boss. 

Regards,

The brown techie girl 

Tani

Are you a Good Girl?

I had come across this awesome Tedx Talk by Camilla Lundin.  One of Stockholm's youngest and leading entrepreneurs.   CEO and Founder of Qalora Capital.  She talks about why you shouldn't be the "good girl", and how just daring and accepting your chances and mistakes can open a new gate to your highest possibilities to success. 

If it wasn't for Camilla Lundin's Tedx talk, I would have had one of the worst days of my life today.  I might have gone through a phase of depression, just like I have gone through earlier during the dark years in Sweden, through the very unfortunate tides of underestimation going through poor invisible me.  Poor me. 

Now let's think about these words carefully, "poor me".  The feeling of sympathy towards the self has always resulted in misery and unproductive days which I have been losing all this time.  Why say poor me, why me, when I can say NO, not me, not today.  I have to be my own hero.  It's how the world works.  I love myself, and I know how to approach myself.  I will not be hard on myself, but I will definitely challenge my heights because I know I have that in me. 

I have completed my first year as a professional in the field of IT.  Let me tell you what hit me hard     
Lessons learned last year and also relating to the video: 

Nice behaviour can be deceiving ..do not be fooled
Especially when you enter the professional world, there is not a single soul who will put you before themselves.  We complain that people are selfish, and yes, this is a fact.  We are human, and when we say people are selfish, we say that we ourselves are. And if that is not the case, then I say it's about time you become selfish!  Think for yourself and please prioritise, because it is up to you to make a difference.

Life is too short to complain about these matters.  Is somebody being selfish to you? Ok, here is a solution, you focus on yourself please.  Without hurting others, without leaving others in a mess.  Do it the "boss" way.  Do it like a real woman.

Don't say sorry, say thank you
Avoid apologizing, it will give all the excuses for somebody to potentially blame you in the future.  Do not expose your weakness by feeling sorry for yourself, but appreciate what you are given.  Instead of saying sorry, give an "I really appreciate your patience" reply. 

Learn how to express yourself,
Because nobody else knows you better than yourself.  You do not have any self description written on you for others to see.  Your clear valuable words bring out your originality.  Your actions prove your values. 

Be Tender and Kind
The most attractive feature of a person is their natural smile.  You face, your personality, your behaviour will define your image.  Don't ever forget that taking off ego, helping others, and spreading knowledge the best way possible are key qualities to being a true leader.  

Who am I? A mother, an engineer, a leader, a dreamer. I am Tani

I still remember the day when I got laughed at when I said, "Maybe I should look into IT".  As if I was being underestimated for being a nursing student, or maybe because I was a girl.  I really don't know why.  But it hit me hard.  So hard, that next month, I decided to learn how to code.

And, Hello World!

No, I won't forget the struggles.  I will never forget the loss, the failures.  I have faced cold tides, yet here I stand.  Just like the vague stretch marks that still remain after years of mothering, scars and bruises remain, carving my mind, gifting me wisdom in return.  Here I stand, while the world keeps turning, showing it's true colors, one worse than the other.  Here i stand alone.  Alone but strong.   Nothing can break me now.  Nothing at all.   

I am so blessed.  Despite all that I have been through while searching for the real ME,  it feels good to achieve something all by myself.  The final product.  What I have learned from this amazing journey of finding myself in a place called Sweden, is that the goals that I was after were initially achieved in the hardest way. 

I was aiming for completing my education, getting a good career, being appreciated, getting respect, becoming a good mother.  Quality living.  I was running after all this, but took the wrong way.  The long way.

I never knew before, that all I needed was confidence, strong discipline, faith, and patience.  Being persistent with whatever I do.  To not lose focus, and kill the ego inside me.  To dare to just question.  Asking simple questions and learning something with a blank mind.  To create my own qualities, and design my own standards.  To stand up for myself, and make a positive surrounding.  To never let others know what I am planning to achieve, and to ask the right people for help.    We were given a brain for a reason.  We need to always challenge ourselves.  What good is it to stay in our comfort zone, when we get nothing out of it.  Nothing but temporary pleasure.  

We want something, we work hard to get it.  We earn it.  

"And seek help in patience and prayer." -Al-baqara-45

This is Tani.  An American-Bangali Swede, who started completely from scratch.  I got many words of discouragement, moving to another country from the USA.  Stupidity, they called it.  Leaving everything behind, leaving all privileges behind in the land of opportunity.  But here I am, still walking, still breathing, laughing and talking with my Swedish colleagues about how funny life can be.   How the same people encourage me, and call me intelligent now, and say what a safe and honourable country I live in.  How funny life can be.  

My 2nd job in Sweden! Yay!

August 15, 2017

I am so happy to tell you that I got the perfect extra job with the most flexible schedule and the coolest boss.  I will be working with toddlers for only a couple of hours a week as their caregiver.  I am so excited to meet the kids I will be taking care of!  I can't believe I finally succeeded an interview so smoothly with everything working out!  I am juiced up with energy! 

Is this it? My last month to relax?

August 13, 2017

Update...

So my PostNord job ends this month ...i will be working the entire month and guess what...I got an interview time on Aug 15th for the preschool kids job. Let's see how that goes.

Here is what makes August 2017 significant. August is the month of my mother's birthday, 31st, and this is the same day I end work at the post office.  I don't know, it's this strange feeling I have.  You know that feeling you get when you do something or see something for the very last time?  And it is just extremely meaningful...in the most unexplainable way possible?  That is how I feel now.  I learned so much working part-time at the post office.  I met different people, and obtained some wisdom.  The 16th is my parents' anniversary and the 15th is my job interview. 

This is the last month of my life in which I will have enough free time to fix my routine and even slack off. It's my month to relax and plan. My time to look through the telescope to see my shining future. My month to change my lifestyle and appreciate the things I have. My month to spend enough time with my family, especially my children.

Tick tock tick.

The Struggles of a Bangladeshi-American Swede Mother

July 28, 2017

The title of this post explains it all.  I am at one of the hardest times of my life.  I don't regret that many things I have done in Sweden because each action made me stronger and helped me discover a new side of me.  Who knew I had so many sides.  And roles.  Oh boy, don't get me started with roles.  Mother of two munchkins? Check. Wife? Check. Daughter-in-law?  My in-laws live near, so, check.  Student? Check.  Unemployed? BIG FAT BOLD CHECK.

An update of my life..here goes...

Let me start with a story.  A story from long back when I was a university student back home in the U.S. and I was young and stupid.  A 22 year old seeking the purpose of life.

I was once 22, and I had met a guy.  He had just gotten his bachelors in finance or something and he would message me every single day around the same time.  He was a very good looking guy with great intellect, but he had a weakness.  His english grammar was not the best.  So what was my purpose of meeting this guy can you guess?  The boy used me.  He bugged me every night to correct his resume and cover letter.  He was out searching for jobs and he always wrote different kinds of cover letters with countless errors in english.  I didn't mind correcting it.  It was a piece of cake for me...correcting an english cover letter for some job.  I never really did it seriously.  However, every time I got done editing and correcting his papers, he would be so relieved and happy.  He really depended on me to correct his cover letters.  I thought it was ridiculous that he continued to bug me about this for weeks.  I stopped replying to his emails and that was the end of correcting papers for free.  I wonder what he does now.  He is probably CEO of some firm in the US.

That was the story of the Indian guy who was struggling to get a job in the US.

Now here is the story of myself, struggling to succeed in Sweden.

I know I will succeed... in fact, maybe I already am I just don't know it yet.  I am halfway up that mountain.  I got into a good educational program and by 2019 January I will have knowledge and experience about software developing and finally get a job.

My school starts on September and no I still haven't gotten any schedule for my classes.  I also need a part-time job.  I have realised, that my mind works best when I am under pressure.  Pressure pushes me to succeed.  If I am too relaxed, I somehow become lazy and sometimes even fail.  So my job search is still going on and the worst part is I lost count on how many jobs I applied to.  No no, the worst part of all is that most good jobs are offered as full time and I will never be able to devote my full time to a work place when I am going to be a full time student as well.  I feel like crying when I think about that one special full time job I had received in my doorstep, which I had denied, due to my full time class schedule.  Life is full of obstacles.  I reassure my mind saying that I chose education over fast-money.  That one day, it will pay off.  Eventually I will be getting paid way more once I am done with school so why not have patience, right?

I have become a company stalker.  I read about several companies and I wait for a response.  So far, I have gotten responses like, we are still working on who to choose, or, it is vacation time so replying will take time.  Is that auto-response? Oh god, not even a real person replying.

I need a job.
I need to finish school.
I need sleep.

My kids are spending half the day with my husband and the rest of the day with me. I struggle keeping up with food routines with my kids.  Especially when they get sick.  I am trying very hard to give them enough time as a mother.  I don't know if I am really doing it though.  I am exhausted, guilty, frustrated, stressed, nervous, but also curious, at times optimistic (thanks to my father's blood), and kind (thanks to mom, i love you mom).  I hardly can spend time with my husband but he understands that.  He is the best father I have seen in this world seriously.

  

Dear Husband, thanks for always being there

July 25, 2017

It is no more the middle of summer and i have mixed emotions. It's 2017 and we are at the end of July. Should i be excited about my new education for September? Should i be disappointed that I didn't get my CSN money? Or that I still haven't gotten a job for the year? Or that I will be ending my post office job soon by August.  Or that I got my first, and so far, only paycheck for the year? Life is progressive but with lots of patience. Lots of obstacles.  

My kids got the chicken pox this summer and my son is growing up.  He is potty trained which means he is the occasional bedwetter. Seeing poop and vomit is an ordinary thing now.  My body aches from work and lack of sleep.  I stress with job searching and interviews. I struggle.  I do however feel blessed to have such a supportive husband.  Thanks to him i am able to make my own life choices and continue achieving success.  He took off from work to help me take care of the kids.  Thanks to him, my son is potty trained and both of our children have great food habits with an awesome routine.  My husband deserves the father of the year award. 

Did i mention he has been my mentor? He is guiding me for my future career. 

I entered IT and I am still Alive!

June 23, 2017:

I am back with more updates! First let me say that i am still sticking to the IT world! Hurrah! I have found my new field and i don't plan on fleeing this time.

So after that pre-programming course i took my first ever programming course and I was introduced to Java. The course was hardcore with lots of information to take in. One thing I have learned about Programming is first the hard stuff, then the good easy life.  So i am just learning everything which puts me in the hardest part of this subject....being familiar with IT terminology. So i took programming 1 and totally survived it! Then came programming 2 and it is kicking my butt! How? Well,  I'll start off by saying i have no book. It's based on a completely new language that i have never been formally introduced to ..C # ....and i was spending time with mom and dad back in the US for one month.  I am finally back to Stockholm and cramming for my programming 2 final.

Oh i am also working day shifts at the post office. Very tiring but at least I am getting paid. That's my summer job which means i still need a permanent job.

Oh let's write the most important part of all. I had applied for software developer school earlier this year and the selection process was nerve-wrecking. It was like applying for a career. Showing grades, cv,tests and interviews. But one thing i am satisfied about is this was the only school that asked for my original university grades. Finally a place where i can tell people i went to a good school and got educated even though i didn't finish it.  It breaks me every time I think about my incompletion. My parent's hard work's income went into paying my tuition fees.  And finally those university papers are showing some worth in this country.

So i prayed and prayed for a way to have a career very soon and this might be the answer....i got the acceptance letter yesterday! Congrats to me!!! (Since nobody knows hehe).

Ok i am going back to finish my c# project. Here is Tani, the amateur programming student saying byebye for now!

The Dilemma

July 2017:

I am having a very hard time with my life... i am at a point in my life where achievements have begun But I am suffering through some kind of acute depression.

I Finally finished programming 2. I am still working at the post Office and i even made friends, all of which are coincidentally becoming engineers of some sort.

Today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. At this time of my life, if it was 2 years ago, I would have worked for free if I had to, just to get some experience.  But i went through a telepromter interview with the boss of an amazing international company and he told me i had gotten the job.  It was a full time job with perfect schedule Monday through Friday... a permanent job..impressive salary with benefits. But i turned It down.... because It will counterfeit with my school schedule.

I guess i need to be patient. One more year... and i Might have some possibility in working in the IT branch instead of a receptionist.

Patience is virtue....

My first glance at programming

March 2017:

Giving you an update. Nearly 3 weeks have passed and I have completed my first ever programming course. Well, it was more like a pre-programming course. Whatever you may call it, it was great stuff.  I loved lt! Why did I never study this before? My stubborn butt always chose science over maths and technology, and I don't even know why.

So my husband helped me out a lot.  He is the reason I am able to take a distance course.  He would have made a horrible teacher, but I am seeing that he is a great computer engineer. So he does help.

Yesterday i was counting down literally saying tick tock tick until the registration time for Autumn opened. I immediately applied to KTH. It won't hurt to apply right? I applied for an engineering program.  I know not many people get in but it's worth a shot. Meanwhile i will be applying for my distance program in software programmer Or tester. Anything to do with IT.

So i still didn't get a job. Whichever one i apply for gives me a reply back saying the place has been TAKEN. Bummed out. So It looks like i will be working at the postoffice again for the summer..and eventually meet more interesting characters. Hopefully I won't slam my finger through the machine again. 

Well at least my first programming course was successfully done.

Cheers.

The Secret

February 2017:

So i have to share my thoughts with somebody who has neither a mouth nor a mind.  I will only publish these posts if I succeed with my plan.  As of now this plan of mine is top secret and sounds very shocking and quite impossible but That's only what they all think. My husband is encouraging me to go on with the plan but most times he thinks I am joking around. My parents believe in me. They always have. Incredible people. By now, I wouldn't even believe in me. The promise-breaker who never finishes what she starts. So day 1 of my journey begins as a new and improved Tani.

My plan:

Taking the deepest life changer of breaths:  To change my career path.

Saying goodbye to the healthcare field, with a heavy heart.  Stepping into the mysterious world of IT.  It feels like I am on the edge of the cliff, and I have just stepped on the thread of technology.  A thin thread, that goes across another mountain.  Distinctively far, but not impossible to reach.  I must be out of my mind.

A 2016 update of my life

It has been ages since my last post in my sweet little blog.  I am just getting older and weaker and lazier these days.  I used to be so active back when I had all the time in the world to achieve goals but nowadays I just try to get through the day with washed dishes, well-fed tummies of hubby, the son, and ofcourse me, and getting through the days wabbling around while I count down the days till June.
Wabbling? Count down to June?  Yes you guessed right!  I am on my 2nd trimester!  I remember updating weekly pregnancy blogs for my little prince, Isaam.  Time truely flies.  He was so little and now here he is going to Dagis (day care) and coming back with handfull of his own paintings and art projects.  My toddler is growing up in front of my eyes and it brings tears to my eyes.  I can picture him now slowly becoming a big brother.  I worry about him feeling the change hitting him this summer.  It will be tough for him seeing all his attention getting snatched away.  It is so freaking exciting to think about... him looking after his little sister.  Sister! Girl!

My baby girl will hopefully arrive just in time with Stockholms beautiful summer breeze.  Our first little girl and we still cant decide a name for her!  We are beyond excited, hubby and I, and I am an emotional wreck.  I will cry watching the slightest of touchy commercials let alone movies.  I am bigger than last time and I have more appetite for dairy products than anything else really!   Completely different but somewhat physically more straining pregnancy... I want the journey to go by fast so I can finally see my baby girl!

Meanwhile, we need a bigger place to live now that our family will have one extra member, which means we are house hunting.  Fun stuff!  We are planning to sell our house and it is all just so exciting and nervewracking at the same time.  April 12th was when we came here such a beautiful area that I have fallen in love with it for the past 3 years.  How can I leave this place?  Ive also been dreaming night and day about how to decorate our new house wherever that may be!

Last but not least my brother-in-law got married back in december 2014 which I also havent updated and his wife has finaLLY gotten the visa so she will be coming to stockholm next week!  Ahh!!!!! We are supercool she is like the little sister I never had..funny how that is, because I used to think of my brother-in-law as the little brother that I was always supposed to have haha!  They are just too cute!

Lots happening this year!  I am so lucky to see my parents this year and I look forward to seeing them again in the summer when baby will be arriving! 

How my skin and well-being improved

I had horrible skin before and now, my face is surprisingly glowing after many years of hearing criticism.  I give credit to the mommy hormones!  So i had extremely oily skin which has changed to normal skin, but I still did get a few breakouts during certain times of the month, which left scars on my face.  That problem, however, seemed to disappear, and now I think I know why!

I clean my face differently:

Before:
I would buy a good cleanser for acne-prone skin and wash, even over-wash, my face every night before going to bed.  I even skipped many nights of putting on a moisturizer clearly because I knew moisturizers made me breakout during the night.

Now:
Whether I have makeup on or not, I spread cold-pressed coconut oil all over my face and massage.  I take a babywipe and take off all impurities on every inch of my face.  Then I wash my face with warm water.  Pat dry.  I put on a light nightcream for normal skin.

I eat differently:

Before:
I would occasionally eat the stuff that was great for your skin until I just gave up and ate junk food.  Greasy food, sweets, cakes, cookies, milk chocolate, just everything sweet and or greasy!  Not to mention soft drinks!  The next week I would have pizza face! Although some say it is a myth, I strongly believe that your face will reflect your diet.

Now:
I totally cut back on junk food. (Accept for the occasional ice cream..i just cannot resist!). I eat salmon or anything with omega 3 and fishoil.  Salmon with steamed veggies are the best!  If you plan on eating veggies then please do not overcook them and kill all the nutritious components your body needs!  I always have milk, eggs, and turkish yoghurt in my refrigerator.  My breakfast includes oats with milk and strawberry jam, whole wheat bread and cheese.  A healthy breakfast is key to a healthy you, and definitely glowing skin! Always include a fresh salad with your meals.

---I drink more water!---
-i take a multivitamin- because I know I dont take all needed vitamins in a day or even a week.

Sleep and waking up:

Before:  -I would wake up and rush to do things before.  No matter what time it was, early or late I would always stress about the day and feel like time is slipping away from my hands.

Now:
I wake up way ahead of time from my regular schedule so I can have some "just me time" and it is very motivational and calming!  Treat yourself with good food, some yoga and calming music.  You will have a nice day after that!It will show on your face!  So forget about those cucumbers on your eyes.

I have a day cream! Eucerin even brighter.  It made my scars go away and it suits my skin perfectly!

I also have a routine!

A healthy one!

Update on my life

Time slips away from the hands like sand.  I couldn't stress on how realistic that phrase has been for me and how this simile is taking over my life month by month. 

We tend to believe that we have total control over our lives, which is a very strong and smart way to consider your life, however, there are situations that we have absolutely no self-control over.  Let me give some examples:  Planning to have another baby, a non-swede getting a very Swedish job immediately, or perhaps getting rid of that extra blob of post-pregnancy tummy skin through healthy eating and exercise.  You cannot always assume these things will happen.  Some things must be accepted the way they are.  

These are a few of my problems that I shared with you today.  I could continue ranting but I will stop for a moment and think about the positive aspects of my life. Let me give some examples:  My son has started day-care and he is almost 2.5 years old.  He is growing up way too fast and I am starting to see his own personality coming out from that baby body that I always see and will see in him.  I am done with school.  No more studying, cramming, and stressing over assignments and exams and most importantly, passing.  I have studied the things I wanted to and had to study, I do have a very supportive husband and a wonderful son, and although I might have extra saggy skin that will never go away, I still have a healthy body that works properly.

I will be turning 30 next year.  I should obviously experience both tangible and intangible alterations.

So there is no need to fear the upcomings of my life.  I am too old to be scared.  

Art of the Day - A 50/50 Couple

Just because you are out doing groceries with your man doesn't mean he should carry all the bags. You as a woman have both inner and outer strenghth. Help him out and he will truly appreciate it and remember it. 

Oh look... It just started to rain!

A mutual relationship is a beautiful thing. 

Taking a new step in my new life

I have been living in Sweden for quite a while.  It will be 5 years in March pretty soon.  How shocking how time flies, as if it literally was yesterday that I was a newly married woman with little knowledge in a foreign language and the job market.

I unfortunately let go of one of my favorite subjects, science, only because I was not passionate enough to get through nursing school in the middle of nowhere to finally get a job in stockholm.  I needed a convinient education where it would eventually help me get a convinient job where I can work around the hours of my family life.  Yes, convinient the key word for my present situation in life.  My priority in life right now is to spend as much time as I can with my one and only son.  To spend enough time with my wonderful family, my little prince and his big guy, my first ever prince charming.  I don't ever want look back and regret.  Our time here in this world is very short.

I am now studying business administration, a very familiar subject that I have studied previously.  I am so far satisfied with the occupational line since it is a much lighter area than healthcare. It's all about being positive, keeping it clean and organized...everything.  How bad can that be? It will actually teach me some stuff about everyday stuff at home.

Speaking of which, I really need to get things organized at home!  I love our compact yet classy apartment but things get cluttered so easily, especially with a toddler on the go.  My biggest challenge is to make enough space for our clothes and keeping a spacy, clean kitchen.  I gave up on cleaning up my little prince's toys.  The second i pick them up and put them inside his little bag he takes a few right out.  Eventually he ends up putting them all back in the bag if he's happy enough.. A real prince he thinks he is i tell ya! I love that little heart of mine! He will turn 2 in 2 months, my goodness!  I wonder how he will react with a baby sibling? Hmm... 

Chocolate mousse trio recipe

Ingredients:                                                            

Tastes better than it looks!  A light treat for chocolate lovers.  

-3 cups heavy cream
-50g milk chocolate
-50g white chocolate
-50g butter
-2 tbspn cocoa powder
-3 tbspn sugar
-1  tspn vanilla powder/sugar
-3 eggs
-1tblspn flour
-pinch of salt

for inner chocolate sauce:
-1tbspn cocoa
-50g butter
-3tbsp sugar
-milk half cup

For garnishing:
-fresh strawberries
-dark cooking chocolate
-cocoa powder

Layer #1 (bottom dark chocolate cake layer)
-wisp the eggs until light and almost fluffy and add sugar, and vanilla sugar
-melt the butter and let it cool slightly
-meanwhile add cocoa and flour to the egg sugar mixture
-lastly pour in the melted butter slowly while mixing
-bake it in the oven (preheated to 175C) for 5 to 10min (depending on the size of your baking pan)
-take it out and let it cool for 10minutes
-shape it as a circle by using a small plate

rich inner chocolatey sauce layer
-simply heat up all the ingredients together in a small pan and mix vigurously in medium heat until it thickens.  Pour over thin layer of bottom cake.

Layer #2 (milk chocolate mousse)
-place a large bowl over a heated pan of simmering water on the stove and slowly heat the butter cubes, milk chocolate pieces and sugar.  Once everything melts immediately take off the bowl from the pan and let it cool slightly.
-wisk a bowl of heavy cream until it has sharp peeks and add a tbspn sugar while wisking.
-seperate the whipping cream into 2 halves
-slowly pour in the chocolate mixture little by little into one of the halves of cream and fold gently to get all air and chocolate in.
-refrigerate for 2min

Layer #3 top layer (white chocolate mousse)
-melt the white chocolate blocks, butter and sugar together by using the same method as milk chocolate mixture.  Mix the chocolate with cream the same way and refrigerate that for 2min as well.

Shaping:
-If you dont have a shaper to make your cake round it's fine.  I don't either!  Cut a long piece of aluminium foil and fold it to thicken it.  Make a circle out of it (the same shape as the bottom layer of cake) and put it on top of the bottom layer.
-Now pour in all your milk chocolate mousse and refrigerate it for a minute( meanwhile get the white chocolate mousse out to make sure it doesnt settle in before pouring)
-after one minute, pour in the white chocolate mousse, the last layer.

-let this refrigerate for an 30min to an hour

Garnishing:
-slice up strawberries that are not too soft or watery
-slowly melt some dark chocolate  blocks on aluminium foil and once it's flattened, refrigerate it for 30min or until it hardens so you can break the flat chocolates and decorate your cake
-drizzle some cocoa powder on top of your mousse cake

The result? Heavenly triple chocolate mousse cake!

BIG FAT U TURN - farewell to nursing

I have to cancel almsot everything I had planned for my future career because it just won't work out. All my life I was aiming for something in the field of science, but in every step of my way something always knocked me down and that something was always a sign that this field was never for me.  Me and science were just never meant to be.  It sounds like a line from a pathetic song but this is the truth.  I just realized it so late in my life! Science and I were never meant to be!  Because you know what? If we were, I would have been making a living reasearching, or making vaccines, or just treating people.  As cool as all that sounds it just won't ever work out for me so I open my options and think about what would suit me best.  

I am a goal oriented woman and I want to always be there for my family.  I have a wonderful little family and I hope to someday make it even bigger.  If that's the case, then I have to be supermom and find a career that will give me enough income with lovely office hours so when I get done from work I get to see my lovely husband and amazing children and spend as much time with them as possible.  In 3 months that is!

The Story of Tani...(in short)

Once upon a time, in a stormy day in the flooded capital city of Bangladesh, a girl was born.  Her name was Tanjina.

The seasons passed and baby Tanjina started crawling...talking...walking..and at 2 years of age, her mommy and daddy took her some place far far away for a better future. America.
Although she was Bangladeshi by blood, her heart always embraced the USA as her real home.  She was the sweet quiet little girl down south who loved to draw and dance.

The older she grew the more she wondered what her purpose in life was.  Many career days in school had passed and finally one afternoon, she figured out her future.  All thanks to a chubby cute little lady who came as a guest speaker in Tanjina's 8th grade classroom.  "Every time I do it, I fall in love with my job again. Because you see the miracle in front of you."  That was all that lady had to say.

High school, you know gow overrated it can be.  The course overload, homework over the long weekends, summer vacation even, homecoming drama, football, SATs, college applicarions, provacative appearances, those popular crowds....oh the distractions....they just made boring Tanjina overwhelmed.  She was ready to get out of that chaos and start her life all over again.  She was going to represent her true personality in college, with her dreams of becoming a doctor.

Yes, you heard right. Her friends were going to be doctors.  She apparently loved biology.  So why not give it a shot?

Tanjina shot...and missed...shot again, and missed...started losing hope...even changed majors last minute to business, and missed big time.  She discovered how much she despised business.  She went back to her comfort courses in science...still confused as hell about her career when all of a sudden, prince charming knocked on her door....and she opened it...and yes he did come from far far away...and so they got married and lived happily....in Sweden. Score.

Except for the times when she thought about her dream of doing something for people...working...getting paid and finally making her dreams come true.  She felt lonely...missed hee family and friends...missed home...even missed Bangladesh, her other home.  She struggled learning swedish.  She started having identity crisis. It was high school all over again, she thought.  All those years ahe transformed from a quiet shy little nerd to a smart outgoing ok looking girl was for nothing.  She was back to being short, quiet, shy, stupid....and confused.  She experienced something new, in this new life of hers.  She experienced failure.  Lots of differenr kinds.  No matter how she failed, however, her husband was always by her side, encouraging her.

This gave her strength and shefinally fueled up for change.  That was when the words in her head were clear..."Because you see the miracle in front of you.."  Tanjina was going to become a mother.  She went through a tough pregnancy her first trimester and experienced her stay in the lonely hospital bed for several nights.  All she could do was watch disney songs and think of her little miracle.  "Get yourself together Tani.  You have to stand by yourself...nobody else does that for you" she told herself.

Tanjina finally admited all she ever wanted to do was give birth to babies.  She wanted to be a midwife.  She was ready to start even with a baby bump.
She was not going to give up!

2013 May, her baby boy was born and all she could think of was the magical moment when a baby comes into this world.  Amazing.  That is how we all came here.  Just amazing.

Tanjina will try her very best to become a wonderful midwife...she is almost there....

To be continued...

Art of the Day - Home away from home...away from home

Yes I did!I made a fake canvas with sketching paper and ducktaped it to the wall.  It looks surprisingly professional. Cost was free. Materials were paper, pencil, scissors, tape and a creative mind.

I just wanted to express my life in a simple black and white picture...well 2.

You see a long bridge that I scribbled.  A bamboo bridge that transforms into metal along the way to the new countries.  The left picture starts with Bangladesh, my motherland, hence the Sriti shodh and bamboo.  Far ahead are familiar skyscrapers in the USA, the place I grew up in and called home.  Near to the front on the 2nd picture are smaller buildings,old fashioned buildings which are churches, offices, and apartments by the water.  This is Sweden, the place my real journey began.  Now this is my home.  i believe there is no permanent place for us in life. We should never get too attached because what you have now will not be with you tomorrow.  We are all travelers in this world.  At least I am...